03/11/22 Here's some useful advice. You may remember some of the earth-shattering, jaw-dropping events mentioned in the song. Then again, you may not. Believe me, they were absolutely terrifying at the time. Turn It Off.mp3 Turn It Off (crickets? come forward) So I said to my best significant other I said the news is so bad I might never recover There's asteroids comin', and Mars is too far to run There's a beluga in bondage up in Norway having fun The Russians are laughin' as they steal our elections And I'm not sure that I'm having the right kinds of erections I'm scared and I'm worried, and I don't try to hide it I've gotten so wasted that I can't even fight it So tell me now baby, I'm certainly desprite Do somthin' for me that'll give me a respite She said "Turn it off Oh yeah baby, just turn it off" Well, the president says that it's "almost like treason" The press asks him why, but he don't need a reason The noise has affected my congressman's hearing How can I retire with apocalypse nearing? They're tweetin' like birds, they's bats in my belfry They sneezin' like cats. Yeetin' like Delphry If only I had the right words to describe it If I only had ten thousand dollars to bribe it! So if you've got an answer, won't you please tell me? 'Cause Pfizer has some little pills they would like to sell me She said "Turn it off Oh yeah baby, just turn it off" Oh No! What kinda world could it possibly be Without my phone, my internet, my TV? I'd be out of touch, I'd be disconnected How would I know when some new hate was detected? Our borders are porous, the caravans are rolling If there'd be an invasion I'd have no way of knowing Has alien life been out there trying to detect us? Are there enough cops up in space to protect us? If the sea levels rise, how will I be alerted? Who'd employ the pundits if the airwaves were deserted??? She said "Turn it off Baby, just turn it off I think you've had enough Baby, just turn it off" (crickets? be silent)