Here's some useful advice. You may remember some of the earth-shattering, jaw-dropping events mentioned in the song. Then again, you may not.

Believe me, they were absolutely terrifying at the time.

Turn It Off.mp3

Turn It Off

(crickets? come forward)

So I said to my best significant other
I said the news is so bad I might never recover
There's asteroids comin', and Mars is too far to run
There's a beluga in bondage up in Norway having fun
The Russians are laughin' as they steal our elections
And I'm not sure that I'm having the right kinds of erections
I'm scared and I'm worried, and I don't try to hide it
I've gotten so wasted that I can't even fight it
So tell me now baby, I'm certainly desprite
Do somthin' for me that'll give me a respite

She said "Turn it off
Oh yeah baby, just turn it off"

Well, the president says that it's "almost like treason"
The press asks him why, but he don't need a reason
The noise has affected my congressman's hearing
How can I retire with apocalypse nearing?
They're tweetin' like birds, they's bats in my belfry
They sneezin' like cats. Yeetin' like Delphry
If only I had the right words to describe it
If I only had ten thousand dollars to bribe it!
So if you've got an answer, won't you please tell me?
'Cause Pfizer has some little pills they would like to sell me

She said "Turn it off
Oh yeah baby, just turn it off"

Oh No!
What kinda world could it possibly be
Without my phone, my internet, my TV?
I'd be out of touch, I'd be disconnected
How would I know when some new hate was detected?

Our borders are porous, the caravans are rolling
If there'd be an invasion I'd have no way of knowing
Has alien life been out there trying to detect us?
Are there enough cops up in space to protect us?
If the sea levels rise, how will I be alerted?
Who'd employ the pundits if the airwaves were deserted???

She said "Turn it off
Baby, just turn it off
I think you've had enough
Baby, just turn it off"

(crickets? be silent)